The opportunity has presented itself.
I cancelled my trip to Ohio… I feel horrible for cancelling on my grandfather, but I can always plan for it again in the coming months. I can always plan again.
But not with this. The opportunity presented itself and I made the decision. I must stay. At the risk of disappointing a family member, I have to stay and mend my bonds to my partner. I was close. I was close…last night. I got angry, sure, but I got close.
He said he could be safe with me, trust me, and be happy. Of course, I had to ask a stupid question and he retreats back into his shell. He, for whatever reason, believes he needs to push me away. He doesn’t want anybody, not even me, with him anymore and he doesn’t have an explanation as to why. So I think it’s bullshit, hence why I’ve been trying so hard to get him to say it. I know it’s bullshit, hence why I’m still at his side.
He’s not as good a liar as he believes himself to be. Of course, I take every lie to heart. I took everything to heart. I took everything as truth and perhaps that’s why he’s pushing me away. Because every lie he told, I believed and he couldn’t stand how much it hurt me. He couldn’t stand how much he hurt me. And he’s said so…but if that’s the only reason we’re apart, then he’s an idiot and needs to understand that guilt and rejection are not going to fix anything. Hurting me more is not going to fix anything. Hurting me to the point I leave you is not going to fix anything.
You idiot. You idiot… After today, you have a choice to make. I’ve already made mine.